remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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