Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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