I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
