your parents love me but you hate me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize