So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This is not my ceiling
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
