so that wasnt chicken after all
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
