is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
