i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
