one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize