I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
