Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there