Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart