Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
