I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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