Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?