Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.

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  (724): He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death. http://tfl.nu/mm9y
  Replies (15) Good night (600) Bad night (2518)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  did we at least go back and get it?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  how else do you think we got jack in the box...?

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  (208): you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too. (1-208): did we at least go back and get it? (208): how else do you think we got jack in the box...? http://tfl.nu/t8wq
  Replies (21) Good night (6515) Bad night (915)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps

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  (757): I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps http://tfl.nu/vrde
  Replies (4) Good night (3018) Bad night (1078)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.

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  (204): You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times. http://tfl.nu/dj81
  Replies (3) Good night (2115) Bad night (570)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.

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  (513): I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago. http://tfl.nu/r6f0
  Replies (7) Good night (2265) Bad night (670)
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  (209): View more from California

  Show him your tits if he says no

  (1-209): View more from California

  They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.

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  (209): Show him your tits if he says no (1-209): They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits. http://tfl.nu/0j62
  Replies (8) Good night (2074) Bad night (913)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.

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  (303): Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans. http://tfl.nu/out8
  Replies (5) Good night (1477) Bad night (455)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.

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  (517): all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings. http://tfl.nu/fkoc
  Replies (5) Good night (2346) Bad night (611)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better

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  (715): I haven't seen her in ages, how is she? (651): Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better http://tfl.nu/q7yr
  Replies (5) Good night (2103) Bad night (560)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.

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  (337): Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm. http://tfl.nu/b44z
  Replies (7) Good night (460) Bad night (711)
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  (818): View more from California

  idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations

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  (818): idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations http://tfl.nu/k8zk
  Replies (2) Good night (947) Bad night (374)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.

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  (704): Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water. http://tfl.nu/djc8
  Replies (2) Good night (888) Bad night (335)
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  (310): View more from California

  My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.

  (1-310): View more from California

  That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.

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  (310): My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing. (1-310): That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens. http://tfl.nu/xmxh
  Replies (14) Good night (2149) Bad night (465)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high

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  (519): can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high http://tfl.nu/opzj
  Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (301)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.

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  (316): So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory. http://tfl.nu/2ivk
  Replies (3) Good night (479) Bad night (263)

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