does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid