no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
