We're facebook friends in real life
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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