my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
