My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
