Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize