I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
