it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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