Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
