Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
