When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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