thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
