I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
