All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize