He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
