My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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