I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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