Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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