office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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