very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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