forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
