Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
