take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
