is your mom at the bar?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
