I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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