all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
