do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
