I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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