Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
