I need help removing her.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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