What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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