nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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