last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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