did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
