If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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