So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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