I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pappa wants mamma naked
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
