i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
