is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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