His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
