Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
