but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
