At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
there is glitter all over my balls
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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