I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
