He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
