remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
