She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
