I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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