so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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