I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
