First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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