How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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