I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
