We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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