I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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