critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
