I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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