I'm so fucking centered right now
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
