Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I FOUND THE LEGS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
