I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
