I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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