These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
