The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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