Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
