I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
