sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
