Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
