I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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