Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
