a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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