'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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