The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
