maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
