Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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