i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
