You're so nebulous sometimes
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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