I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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