U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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