I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
