i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
